DON’T BLINK
The childhood friend you never thought you’d go a day in your life without seeing, only to just hear from her on your birthday — if you’re lucky. Don’t blink. The shoes your mom bought a size too big so you could grow into them; in the donation pile because you couldn’t possibly squeeze your growing foot into them. Don’t blink. One day, you rode your bike around the neighborhood with your friends for the last time and took a razor scooter to the ankle for the last time. Don’t blink. 1st grade turned to middle school, shedding tears every single year in between over the same bully only to become friends with her in high school and talk everyday. Who’d think she’d be married before me? She deserves it, her heart needed love. Brandy Melville T-Shirt dresses and low rise Hollister jean shorts now nowhere to be found. That one Triangl bikini and Victoria’s Secret discontinuing swimwear, causing a worldwide panic among teenage girls, only to bring it back. Summer ‘16. Meeting your best friend for the first time. High school is forever long, we’ll never have our licenses. We just graduated and got into a nearly fatal car accident driving home from a party, but the angels were on duty as always. Don’t blink. Your first love you never thought you’d know a life without turned first heartbreak you never thought you’d heal from. You mended your heart and hung onto the sweet memories, shared songs and inside jokes that you now laugh alone at. Loved again. Lost again. Don’t blink. The dreaded weekly phone calls with grandma because they “inconvenienced” your day. Now you listen to the voicemails you just happened to save to hear the love in her voice again. Drove daddy home for the last time, unknowingly. You have his voicemails but you don’t have his words of wisdom, hugs or laughs. He’ll never hold your baby or give you away if you get married. Don’t blink. Lost sight of your dreams and passions, found them. You’re in your earliest of 20’s while your friends plan their next trip and you await the next cry to be needed by your baby. The newborn clothes she swam in for months, draped over the side of the crib to be put away in storage — she’s outgrown them. The newborn diapers you so relentlessly used the last of and never repurchased. Took a photo, even, to remember just. how. tiny. Don’t blink.
It’s fast, this life we live. Some moments feel longer than others — time is subjective. I scroll through my camera roll, watching the evolution of every version of myself, year to year. I see a pure, innocent little girl who hasn’t been told her nose is too big for her face. I see a 2010’s icon, probably XX Pro or Valencia instagram filter. And the galaxy leggings? I’m sorry, but they were a moment. I see a middle schooler, trying to figure herself out. A high schooler who was too cool for her own good. A sorority girl out of touch with any sort of reality. A girl with a light in her eyes and a fire in her soul before this world, false friends and the wrong boys shattered her over and over again. I see numb. I see grief and a heart broken by death. I see healing and acceptance. I see light, dark, everything in between — and I’m not just talking about my hair. And most recently, my camera roll full of baby pictures. Because I refuse to believe that she looks like a brand new person every week. I hold onto every version of her and welcome the change everyday.
I can understand now, why adults always would say “time flies”. What is time, even? The big and little hands on a watch. The teller of whether to angrily rush, not allowing any memories to form, or move in slow motion, using every sense to captivate the moment. And at the end of the day, it isn’t real. Just one more thing we’ve created to trip ourselves. Life is dancing with death to the rhythm of a ticking clock that no one sees. And this clock ticks so. damn. fast. I blinked, and jumped from fifteen to twenty two. There was a time I was so eager to “grow up”, and today, I would do anything to be sixteen, in the car with my best friends, blasting our rap playlist and showing each other that we did in fact study the lyrics and are ready to show that off at the next house party that’s blessed with our presence.
Whether your eyes are welled up with tears, or watering because you truly just haven’t blinked — dry them. Text your friends back. Make time for the plans you’re putting off. Tell the person that just came to mind that you love them. Who cares if it’s too soon. If you scare them, they’re not the right one. Call your parents. Hug your parents. Please — hug your parents. Walk your dog. Taste new foods and smell the flowers. Share the song to your story you think no one cares about. Take pictures of the sunset, and everything you find beauty in for that matter. Invest in your hobby and practice your craft. Show enthusiasm when you’re excited and cry a river when someone hurts you. Life’s too short for a poker face. Communicate. Laugh. Scream to feel alive. Mix perfumes. Use your good products, stop saving them. They’re going to expire. Eat the cookie, drink the soda. Do shit that makes you happy. But most importantly, no matter what it is you choose to do, don’t blink.
